It all started this morning in the shower while I was listening to Flowers by Miley Cyrus… AKA my latest Single Happy Girl anthem.
With Valentine’s Day coming up, I’ve been (naturally) thinking about my singleness a bit more than usual. The truth is, I fucking love being single (finally)… But the other truth is, I have avoided it my entire life up until now.
And now I’m like… Why did I avoid this for so long?! It’s amazing! So I thought, I’m sure there’s people out there just like me that could benefit from a post like this reminding you – or telling you maybe for the first time – the true joys of being single.
As I danced in my cold shower this morning while Miley blasted through the speakers reminding me I can buy myself flowers, I decided to write this post for you.
Whether it’s Valentine’s Day or not I hope you can find the joy in the journey of singlehood and hopefully eventually embrace, and even love it!
PS – when I use the term “Single Happy Girl” I’m choosing “girl” because that’s how I refer to myself. But please insert whatever word speaks to you – boy, person, Queen, King, witch, vixen, etc… I’m queer myself, and I want all fellow queers to feel welcome here. This post is for you, no matter how you identify yourself.
This post is for you if…
- You’re afraid of being alone
- You settle for shitty people/situationships/relationships because of ^^
- You go from relationship to relationship in order to avoid being alone
- You think you need someone to complete you, make you happy, valuable/worthy, etc
- You’re in a relationship and want to end it but you’re afraid because of all the above
And if you do feel any or all of the above, just know that you’re in VERY good company. For literally ever, I would’ve rather sandpaper’d my skin off than be single… If you’re extremely allergic to the idea, that’s fine. I was too.
But now? I’m honestly obsessed with single-hood. I’m in grad school to be a therapist, my private practice is thriving, my life is SO full, and most days I’m just SO happy skipping along over here through life.
[I didn’t get sober to be miserable, so I’m pretty proud of myself for the life I’ve created! It’s NOT been easy!]
Just keep reading and have an open mind either way! I hope it helps at least a tad bit…
Oh and PS – if you’re going through a breakup, about to go through a breakup, or just need a little breakup pep talk for whatever reason, check out my post 10 Ways to Nourish Yourself Through a Breakup.
From relationship addicted to Single Happy Girl
I’m no stranger to all of the above, which is why I think i’m uniquely useful and qualified to write you this post. I have struggled VERY VERY hard in the relationship vs. singlehood sector of my life.
Since I was 16 years old (shout out to my first boyfriend, sweetest little soul ever honestly…) I’ve been in relationships. I’m now 34 years old, been single a year and some change so if you do the math, that’s SEVENTEEN years of consistent relationships.
For some, that could be perfectly normal but for me it definitely wasn’t. Some relationships were great! Some, eeeeek, not so much…
But the point is… My biggest driving factor in being with people was yes – because it’s fun, lovely, blah blah but also because I had a HUGE fear of being alone.
I grew up – like you probably – in a society that pushes from SUCH a young age (Hi, Disney movies, Barbie & Ken, etc.) that you should be partnered.
Don’t get me wrong. I LOVE love and relationships. But I never got the alternative storyline that you can ALSO be happy and single. I got the opposite message. That we need someone to complete us, blah blah.
I’ll spare you all the details of therapy, tears, pain, trauma healing work, and anguish that got me from relationship addicted to Single Happy Girl because that’s not the point of this post.
The point of this post is to ABSOLUTELY REVEL in your singleness while you can and show you all the amazing benefits of this side of the field. Because trust me. It’s fucking GORGEOUS over here!
Benefits of being single, from a Single Happy Girl
Lemme start with the obvious…
You get the WHOLE BED to yourself!
Seriously this may be one of my favorites that I NEVER ever expected because I’m a huge cuddler and love physical touch – definitely one of my love languages.
But the more I have slept alone in my own bed, the more I fall IN LOVE with it. I think I’ve maybe never gotten better quality sleep than this past year+ I’ve slept alone. No one snoring, pushing you off the bed, talking in their sleep, or hogging all the covers.
I also can choose whatever sheets, pillows, comforter, and other bed paraphernalia I want without making sure anyone else agrees with me first. So listen up single girlies… Put on your comfiest pajamas and get ready for the best sleep of your life.
Your emotions, mood, and type of day you’re gonna have is COMPLETELY up to you
Listen. You shouldn’t be dating a narcissist who hijacks your emotions and ruins your day regardless, BUT we all get stuck with one of those from time to time. I mean, wait no I have no idea what that’s like – wink wink…
So, one of the best parts about being single in my opinion is that you have COMPLETE control over your emotions, moods, and whatever type of day you wanna have.
(Obviously – life happens still haha but you know what I mean..)
You wanna have a great fucking day?! DO IT! You don’t have to cater to whatever mood someone else is in, what kind of day they’re having, or any of that. There’s so much beauty in the fact that you can literally just focus on YOU and cater to your own damn self only.
You can do whatever you want, at all times
Going off the previous point, when you’re a Single Happy Girl you can do whatever you want, all the time!
Think about how awesome that is. (Pending you have kids or pets – because obviously you gotta consider what they want/need too!) But when you’re single, your life is truly yours.
Wanna pack up all your shit, throw it into a converted bus home and travel across the country?! Go for it!
Wanna move to another country? No one to ask permission or get on the same page with! You can just get up and go do it.
Okay I started with kind of extreme examples here so since I personally won’t be doing any of that because i’m obsessed with where I live already, some simpler examples that I personally love about being a Single Happy Girl include:
- Grocery shopping where and for what only YOU want
- Staying out late and making impulsive plans, only needing to consider yourself
- Getting whatever takeout you want
- Watch whatever shows and movies YOU want – no one else’s preferences need to be considered
& lots more…
So much time for family, friends, and other relationships
Being single naturally lends itself to two things: 1.) time, and 2.) desire to connect with others (since it’s not being taken up by ONE other person.)
I’m naturally a friendly, social, people person but when I’m in a relationship I tend to have a bit of tunnel vision and forget to get outside of my relationship for connection. I have a habit of really immersing myself in the relationship.
So, being single has allowed me to really strengthen existing friendships and relationships with my family, while also fostering the desire for so many new connections and friendships. I’ve made some WICKED close friends this year single.
Whenever I get lonely (because it happens to all of us sometimes!) I just reach out to one of my pals and ask if they wanna get coffee, dinner, or go plant shopping to support my plant obsession (described below hehe.)
You can find out exactly who you really are
I do believe that the right person/people for us as partners really do bring out the best in us, help us be our most authentic selves, etc.
BUT even when partnered with the BEST type of person, there is still truly nothing that compares to the deep introspection and self-discovery that comes from being single.
I’ve learned more about myself in the last 14ish months single than I honestly ever expected. I feel like I’ve grown so close to myself and who I really am at my core.
My awareness of myself is now MASSIVE re: what I like, don’t like, hobbies, interests, desires, needs, goals, dreams, what kind of friend/daughter/sister/etc I am, etc because I don’t have anyone else distracting me from how I really feel or who I really am.
Tons of time for all your hobbies – new and old!
Don’t get me wrong – when I was in relationships, I had hobbies. But they weren’t on fire like they are now. Simply because I have so much time, energy, and mental capacity to focus solely on the things I like to do that bring me joy.
If you follow me on Instagram you probably know my #1 favorite new hobby is houseplants! I want my home to look like a literal jungle and I think I’m on my way there! I’ve always loved plants but never gave the time I needed to really hone this skill and fully enjoy this hobby.
Along with houseplants, a few of my favorite hobbies I’ve rediscovered in singlehood are reading (an always thing for me but I read even more books now!), Tarot, astrology, crystals, energy healing, yoga, making collage art and painting, anddd do CATS count as a hobby?! Haha!
I’ve adopted another little baby kitty during my singlehood and now we’re a family of three! Me and my other cat Marshmallow couldn’t be happier. Call me a cat lady I dare ya, I take it as a compliment…
Check out this list of 1,000+ hobbies if you need some inspiration!
Your home decor and design is 100% up to you
Speaking of wanting my home to be a jungle… I don’t need to ask anyone or account for anyone’s opinions when it comes to decorating the fuck out of my apartment floor to ceiling with greenery.
This week, I decided to create a cute little coffee cart in between the large windows in my living room and I just – did it!
To be fair, I’ve been lucky and have always dated people who happened to be on the same page with home design and I never had to fight for what I wanted.
But the point is, you can just make ALL the executive decisions and create a space you really really love, reflects your personality and vibe, and is uniquely yours.
A Single Happy Girl is powerful!
I saved the best for last here. Truly, my favorite thing about being a Single Happy Girl is this sense of power I have. To not need anybody else to make me happy, and just simply be able to make myself happy on my own is a VERY powerful feeling.
I don’t need anyone to complete me, because I’m already complete. If/when I do meet a right person (I don’t believe in “the – only – one” right person, I believe in many) then they will just be adding to my happiness bringing even more joy to my life.
I also think that if/when I do find someone I want to be with, the fact that I feel so complete on my own, have my own life, hobbies, interests, etc. will only strengthen our relationship and make me a better partner.
Because I won’t be relying on them to “complete” me, which is a huge and honestly impossible (in my opinion) task…
I digress, but yeah. It feels powerful to rely on your own damn self for your happiness and feeling complete on your own!
“You’re a bad bitch, k?” PLAYLIST!!!
How do I wrap up such a fierce, awesome, powerful, Single Happy Girl post like this?! With a bad bitch playlist OBVIOUSLY!
Go here to check out this badass playlist with over 2 hours of jams featuring epic self-love anthems like Lizzo’s “Soulmate”, my new fave “How to Be Alone” by Rachel Grae and obviously “Flowers” by good ‘ol Miley.
I listened to it the whole time I was writing this post and it DEF got me all fired up about singlehood lemme tell ya that…
Pop in those headphones bb, or turn those home speakers up, throw this playlist on, and DANCE YOUR SINGLE FUCKING HEART OUT!!!!!!!!
Just know I’m on the other side of that playlist dancing with you, cheering for you, and standing strong with you in our Single Happy Girl fun times!
Feel free to comment below your single-hood thoughts, tips, ideas, revelations, or anything else I missed!